When your not writing it down....

Life just happens! Every minute of everyday! Choices, decisions, love, encouragement, friendships, family, people, death, humility, hardship, joy...it all happens. I stopped writing this blog October of last year and I rediscovered it tonight as I was looking at some other writings. I couldn't believe how much time has passed! Life it just happens and there is NO slowing it down. The challenge is to make each one of those moments count. That is why I haven't had time to write! Because what I am doing now is so important to me. Maybe, since I am staying home again I can begin again! Let's see how it goes! - Shannon

Refocus!

If your stopping by....going to refocus my post!

So many issues...not enough where with all!

Today, I put a happy, true post on my face book! I try to keep it positive, because I don't want to be, well honestly real. I am not misleading with my post, but I also don't share everything that is happening in my life. The hard stuff, like worrying about being a good Mommy (constant concern), being tired all the time, loneliness, family/ friendship relationships....you know I think I have written about this stuff before. I really am a mess. I worry, which I shouldn't because I am a Christian and know God has got my life without my help. I eat the wrong things, and would like to be back to my college weight, but I honestly don't have the will power I need to do this right now, I get angry because I am controlling and things don't go my way. I have given up on keeping a super super clean house, because it doesn't matter how much I clean it is always dirt the next day. I run late because I am tired and overwhelmed...as well as selfish. I'm a weak and undisciplined human being and the disciplined Christians with wisdom to spare are my heroes. The important things in life seem unattainable to me and a constant battle for the good, right, and wise. THE WRITING ABOVE IS MY WEAKNESS! MY CURSE YOU COULD SAY...I struggle on a daily basis not to stay in this attitude. I would ..............>>>>>>>>> Rather, I have tried to shift to talking with God when I feel the ways of above. I want to take my weaknesses and make them strengths in the Lord. I would like to leave the way of the old and preserver to the way s of the new woman God has for me. It's hard on my family when I get stuck in the muck of selfishness and analytical thinking. It is a clue to me that I need to start focusing my time on others. Stop focusing inward rather focus my time outward. I must find joy in the small and take steps towards rejoicing! Being thankful for all the amazing things I have. I want to be an individual with love and kindness to share. I struggle with wanting to close in on myself. Put up walls and barriers. I struggle not to push others away. Even though I have the biggest need to be around other people with the same focus as myself. Wanting to be a woman who loves the Lord and others so deeply that it hurts. So, I am at the end of this ramble. Some times I just writing until I feel better. So, the garbage can come out and then the truth can rush in. Time to rest! -Shannon

Stung By A BEE!

WOW! Today was just a emotional free fall for me. Started out good enough! In fact, it started out great! As the day continued my Left brain just totally took over. I did a project that I thought was going to make me so happy. I felt accomplished and unusually satisfied with the finished product. I even sent pictures around to friends and family. I was given nice feed back. Yet, it still wasn't good enough. I couldn't let that question go....is it good enough to be hanging in my house for a critical eye to see? My critical eye can see flaws...then my Right brain kicked in. The Logical and Critical. To make matters work one of the portions of the project fell from where I had choosen to hang it. Failure! I felt almost punched. My head just wouldn't let up. I question why I had bothered. Asked God why I shouldn't have just gone out and bought something that was professionally put together. My mood sunk and by the time my sweet husband walked in the door, I'm sure he could see the dark cloud hanging over my head. My critical spirit got the best of me because I continued to see all the things that I had done over the last couple of months as worthless tries. Time wasted. Even though God has blessed me beyond measure with making our home feel comfortable. I wanted more at the time! Even though in my heart of hearts I really don't want to be materialistic. I enjoy making things with my hands to beautify our home. Then, tonight as we were putting our children to bed...one of my daughters comes grumping into the room. Complaining to me about how she wanted to be read to and she did not want to go to bed. How everything was wrong ! This was after her Dad had read to her for 30 minutes in characters! HE does this most nights! I told her that I did not want to be apart of this session of pity party. To please go out of my room! hmmmmm, what? STING! I looked for the BEE... wasn't this me just hours earlier! YES! Complaining to God about how I didn't have what I wanted. Poor me! YES! Isn't it wonderful that God doesn't excuse us from HIS presence when we are having our pity parties! I am thankful! Because I am a mess and even though I know that, I would be more of a mess with out God loving me through my mess! So, that was my experience tonight. Maybe you can relate. I actually hope you can so that I don't have to be alone! - Shannon

Grace turns what we have, into enough!!!

Adoption

Adoption has been on my mind the last couple of days. I know of a family who is ready to give six children a place to call home. They come from a more than stressful family life.To be honest I don't know all the details. Just the ages. My compassion has many time wanted to adopt a child. It is something I think about on a consistent basis even when I don't know of children who need a home. I have even made a list of things that I feel our family would need to have in order before going through the process. While it is significant, it isn't unimaginable. I love children! I work with my own children as well as 12 amazing preschooler each week in a preschool. I do have anxiety about going through with this thought process. I have heard so many adoptions that have been rough. I am not unaware that it is a huge transition for the family. As well, as the child being brought into the family unit. There are many hurdles to jump on the government end. I understand all of that! Yet, my being keeps going back to this idea. I don't think I am ready to turn it into action. My husband is further behind in the thought process than I am. While he is not saying, "no!" He isn't near, "I am ready, either." The list I have made helps me keep things in perspective. I want for our own children's needs to be met before I take on another child's. Yet ,I know we have an abundance to share. Even when we don't think we have enough, we have more than enough. I also, don't know what to do about the spiritual prodding that goes along with this thought process. I know that this effects more than just our family. My mom has told me a number of times that each time you bring a child into the world that it not only effects the family that it is brought into, but all the relationships that the family has. Plus, there may be some individuals in the extended family that may not agree on the discussion. How much should that effect the decision making? I do not know the answer! There are more than enough insecurities to make me scared. It seems arrogant to think I could Mother another persons child? Am I physically and mentally strong enough for such an endeavor? What if some thing goes horribly wrong? What if my marriage isn't strong enough? What if this effects my own children in a negative way? It is a bit like thinking about starting a family! While I have four beautiful children of my own.Very thankful for each of them. The thought process is much the same before we thought about bringing the first one into this world. Is one ever completely confident in adoption. It's emotional, spiritual, and physical. My mind was being consumed about this, so I needed a place to spill out my thoughts. So, that my mental energy can be used else where. Maybe this isn't our time for this, but maybe our future holds hearts and hands that could love another child that needs a home and family who would be able to show Christ love. I think that is my real desire! To show another human being that God loves them. - Shan

Quotes

Children will not remember you for the material things you provided, But for the feeling that you cherished them. - Richard L. Evans