I question it constantly! - In Despair

Maybe you are more secure than I am, which means you wouldn't question what I ask myself everyday..." Am I loved?" Am I truly really loved by God, by my family, by my friend's? There are rare days like today when this question is answered so throughly! I received a sweet card from my ladies bible study! Words that were from the heart. We don't often send snail mail any more with all the technology communication. I am thankful that they thought of me. Our family got a fun Valentine's package from Greg's parent's. It just brightened our evening! I need to know people are thinking about me. It feels selfish to want that. As a Christian woman I should now this in the very fibers of my being, and I know that. Not being able to believe this the way I should, causes me hurt/deep pain. It also cause me to question those who "really" do love me to the point of exhaustion. In my life I have lost a hand full of friend's that became very close to me and my family. After, years of closeness the relationships have ended. Not just because of natural causes, but because I didn't meet expectations, or I was too traditional in my thinking. It was my fault. And these friends never could see they had anything to do with the decline of the relationship. It caused me to feel unloved, and messed up. Some thing that the devil gets to me with. A lie that has caused me to flounder in friendship. My husband reminds me daily how much he loves me and God brings scriptures to my mind often. I KNOW....He gave His Son to die for my sins. Still my existence right now, is like walking through mud. I am in a place of pain for things that haven't gone right and things I want to do but can't seem to figure out how to accomplish. So, I am seeing areas that I have gotten tired. I need to look at these areas and get fired up about them again. I see that not paying attention to them has caused some consequences. Getting back to my quiet time, stopping and playing with my girl's when they ask, and communication with friend's and family. There is always something to get better at doing. I think that is what is so exhausting to me. So, while I'm being honest here...I'm being very open. I think I will end with this scripture. Now to take my weary heart and sink into HIS arms for refuge. For I know feeling this way is not biblical. ~ Shannon

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you - 1 Peter 5:7