Always wanted to be....

I always wanted to be (fill in the blank)! I always wanted to be a speaker, when I was a young adult  I used to love Emilie Barnes! I was enthralled with her organizational skills, love for the Lord, and she was so tidy! That in it's self tells you a lot about me. I was a bit of a perfectionist at a very young age. I didn't want to disappoint my parent's or others. I consumed anything about organization! But, that is besides the point! Before wanting to be a speaker in my young adult life, I dreamed of being a teacher! In fact, that was my plan in college. To major in elementary education! I wanted to decorate my room, come up with creative things for the children to do, have the neatest bulletin boards, read with them! All the fun things teachers get to do, or wish they would get to do. I soon found out the realities of my idealistic plan. Teachers do MUCH more than just interact with the children and I became disillusioned. Still in my heart of hearts I think it would be a great job, I even tried my hand at teachers assistant and LOVED it! Then, the laws changed and they didn't need teachers assistance where I was and again I became disillusioned! ---How do I get on these rabbit trails! Okay, so after that I thought it would be the neatest thing to become a speaker like Emilie Barnes! I was horrible in front of people, as soon as I spoke a word I would literally burst into tears! I had a lot going on in my heart!

I worked on speaking in front of people, even was able to say prayers in front of our women's ministry in our church! Still, I was afraid. I felt selfish for even thinking I had anything of importance to say to other woman. I mean really, who am I? So, this inward battle went back and forth. Life continued to happen and events in my life continue to happen! I had/have feelings of unworthiness to share anything that has happened in my life. Until NOW! I know there are mixed feelings on face book and blogging. I know that not everyone want to here the details of individual lives, but until now I have not been able to use my voice. That is why I am so thankful for blogging and having a couple of pages on face book to share me thoughts and progress in my journey! Even if no one reads this, I have a voice and that is making all the difference! - Shannon

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